Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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