I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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