My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
