Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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