Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize