i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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