So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
