just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize