I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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