We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
