from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
