She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
