I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
