Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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