I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
