sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
