how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM VODKA MAN
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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