First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
