how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
