Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
