Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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