Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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