these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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