im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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