Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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