haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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