I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
