i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nutella sex= disaster
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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