I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
