I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
