I'm going to jail i love you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
