Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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