Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
operation have a gay friend backfired
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
