I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize