I'm so fucking centered right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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