Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
