Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
