Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So many bounce houses so little time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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