So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
