um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
