I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
