i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
