I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
