why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
