How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
