I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
