either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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