I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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