Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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