i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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