I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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