I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
