sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
