Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
