I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
