We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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