i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
