there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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