forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
