Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
