Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
