I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize