I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
