He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
