She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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