Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
