I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
