The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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